March: A Tale of Salmon and Swedes (The Glothic Tales Book 4) Read online

  He was about to open his eyes, as an eerie silence suddenly fell, and his stomach started inching back into his abdomen from somewhere beyond his spine, but when he heard Clikk shout, ‘hold on again!’ his eyes decided to stay firmly shut, and his stomach abandoned its return mission.

  This explosion was much louder than the one that felt as if it had burst his eardrums on launch just a few moments before, and even with his eyes firmly shut, the sudden flash of light seared through his visor and eyelids. He wondered if it had in fact burned off his eyelids. Before he could think further about that, a thunderous jolt had his face once again feeling as if it was being torn off, and this time being sent all the way to the back of the shuttle. He couldn’t feel his feet against anything, and in fact decided he couldn’t feel anything at all – other than terrified.

  No sooner had March made this decision on what he couldn’t feel, there was, as suddenly as the booms, explosions and blinding flashes had happened – silence and a floating feeling. Perhaps the kind of peaceful, drifting quietness one would associate with one’s own recent passing. As his eyes flickered, he caught the sight of Clikk’s face, and of his mouth moving, yet there were no words he could hear, only buzzing. He blinked again, trying to focus on Clikk’s face, which was wandering to and fro, around and around, and then bobbing up and down.

  March tried to concentrate. He shook his head, blinked some more, and with this, Clikk’s head started to hold more firmly between his shoulders, as his mouth opened and closed.

  ‘We’re in orbit,’ Clikk said, but March was still trying to get his ears to work, so he didn’t hear this reassuring message. He tried to say, ‘sorry, I can’t hear you,’ but as he couldn’t hear what he had said either, he went back to blinking and shaking his head in the vain hope that it might help.

  ‘You’ll feel better in a minute. The G forces play a few tricks on your body.’

  At least March’s eyes were starting to work again, so even though Clikk’s words were still impossible for him to decipher, his reassuring smile, and the licking of his lips helped soothe a little of the panic. March blinked some more, waited a minute or two, and then managed to focus on Clikk, who was adjusting something on the dashboard.

  ‘The flight on the Glothic Cosmic Cruiser was more comfortable,’ March said, and was quite surprised to hear his own voice again.

  ‘Yes, I’m sure it was. You can take your helmet off now, and unbuckle your harness. It will be smooth flying from here on.’

  March struggled, but finally managed to get his helmet and harness off. ‘Isn’t there an easier way? I’ve been to lots of planets, moons and even asteroids, but never had to take a flight like that.’

  ‘It’s the force field. When it was installed, it was probably state of the art, but it hasn’t been upgraded for thousands of years, so it’s one of the very old fixed versions. It’s still effective in keeping things either in or out though, but they weren’t designed for exit or entry, so the only way in or out is to blast a hole in it, and then squeeze a tiny craft through the temporary opening. Newer force fields have two polar gates that are remotely controlled entry points and can be opened to accommodate a craft the size of ten Hoog battleships.’

  ‘Maybe I should talk to my father about upgrading it then.’

  ‘I’ll leave that to you, sir. For me, it’s a little challenge once in a while to practise my basic flying skills, so I don’t mind.’

  ‘But not too often I would imagine.’

  ‘Ah, yes, not too often though.’

  ‘Can I stand up and stretch my legs?’ March asked, as he was feeling a little bit better.

  ‘Sure. I’ll finish up here getting locked into orbit and then make a cup of coffee in a few minutes, if you like.’

  ‘Thanks, yes,’ March said, but when he stood and looked around the bare cabin of the shuttle, he couldn’t see anything that looked like a kettle.

  *****

  When safely in orbit, Clikk rose from his seat and walked in a crouch towards March, and then reached under the rear seat on the left, pulling out a green plastic pack. ‘Instant, I’m afraid,’ he said, as he opened the pack and handed March a plastic sachet. ‘Pull the white tab, and it will heat. Then tear off the perforated top corner.’ March copied Clikk as he prepared his sachet, and felt it warming in his hand after pulling off the white tab. ‘I hope you like milk and one sugar, as that’s all it comes in.’

  ‘Um, fine,’ March said, as he struggled to tear off the perforated tab, but then succeeded and only split a little in the process. He sucked on the small opening, and winced in surprise when the coffee burned his mouth.

  ‘Have you been teleported before?’ Clikk asked, as he sat down on the rear seat, which was more comfortable than standing stooped over in rear corner of the shuttle.

  ‘Eh, no.’ March replied, and sat in the seat opposite.

  ‘It’s not very sophisticated. When I first joined Glothic High Command as a trainee, I had the notion that being teleported was going to be a technical marvel. You know, being dematerialised, and then re-materialised at some distant point in the galaxy. But my first experience shattered my dreams,’ Clikk said, with a little laugh.

  ‘So, how does it work?’

  ‘It’s primitive really. It’s simply a hollow, dark laser beam, which can only operate up to a range of a little over two hundred metres. You just get in it, and well, fall, and plop out at the bottom.’

  ‘And to get back?’

  ‘Vacuum.’

  ‘What, sucked back up?’

  ‘Yes. I must say that in some areas, technology is not making great leaps forward. But then again, there is little use for teleporting, except for missions like this one, so I suppose no one is doing any research into it.’

  ‘It’s not really teleporting then, is it?’

  ‘Probably an exaggeration, yes.’

  ‘So you have to get the shuttle very close to where you’re going to, um, drop me. That might attract a few spectators.’

  ‘Luckily, our cloaking technology is far better than the teleport, especially at night, so the shuttle will be totally invisible to the naked eye and also to the very basic aircraft detection systems they have on Earth.’

  ‘What do they use?’

  ‘Radar.’

  ‘Never heard of it.’

  ‘It’s a system that uses radio waves that bounce off solid objects.’

  ‘I’ve never heard of radio waves either, so it must be prehistoric technology.’

  ‘It is. In any case, our shuttle absorbs all types of modulation, electronic waves and radiation, so unluckily for humans, their radio waves don’t get to bounce off our little craft.’

  March pulled his THE from his pocket and entered, Radar. He glanced at the images and quickly read the introduction. ‘It’s absolutely archaic technology.’

  ‘Well, I imagine there’s quite a lot of very old technology in use on Earth, seeing as it has been locked away and isolated from the Twelve Sun Systems for so long now. More coffee?’

  ‘Um, no thanks, I’m fine.’

  ‘It’s not very good, is it?’

  ‘I’ve had better, but after our launch, it has helped settle my stomach a little. Look, can I ask if you get used to launches like that?’

  Clikk laughed. ‘No, never. I much prefer flying Noorlac Interceptors, Hoogs or even hulking mining shuttles. But then again, I did sign up for some adventure, so I can’t complain when it comes along every now and then.’

  ‘Once was more than enough for me. Is the return flight as bad?’

  ‘Similar, but with a little extra bumpiness for a few seconds when the shuttle goes through the exit point.’

  ‘And crosses the exploding ballistic missile’s path.’

  ‘That’s the aim,’ Clikk laughed.

  ‘But you’d prefer to use modern force field ports, I would imagine.’

  ‘No argument there. Well, we should start on getting you to your destination,’ Clikk said, looki
ng at his watch, and then getting up from his seat to head back to the front of the shuttle.

  ‘Um, yes, I suppose so.’

  Walking, stooped over, March followed Clikk and returned to the front seats of the shuttle. The sun was rising over the blue horizon of Earth. Clikk busied with his black book, and the occasional adjustment of a knob or button on his dashboard. ‘We will be in position to teleport you down in a little under two hours.’

  ‘Yes, ok,’ March replied. There was no other optional response available to him, so he busied with THE to pass the time. He searched for Abba yet again, and stumbled upon a new song.

  Ring, ring, why don't you give me a call?

  Ring, ring, the happiest sound of them all

  Ring, ring, I stare at the phone on the wall

  And I sit all alone impatiently

  Won't you please understand the need in me

  So, ring, ring, why don't you give me a call?

  So, ring, ring, why don't you give me a call?

  ‘What’s that?’ Clikk asked.

  ‘A musical group I’d like to meet on Earth.’

  ‘Can I see?’

  ‘Sure,’ March said, handing his THE centre coil book to him.

  Clikk watched the four group members, all dressed in white, as they sang. ‘Oh, they are marvellous! I’ve never heard anything like it.’ He watched until the end of the song, and instead of handing it back to March, asked, ‘is there more?’

  ‘Sure,’ March replied, somewhat surprised by Clikk’s enthusiasm. Just slide back and click a new song.’

  Clikk did, and then hesitated on his choice for a moment. ‘Oh, this looks good,’ he said, as he selected a song, and turned up the volume a little.

  If you change your mind, I'm the first in line

  Honey I'm still free

  Take a chance on me

  If you need me, let me know, gonna be around

  If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down

  If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown

  Honey I'm still free

  Take a chance on me

  Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie

  If you put me to the test, if you let me try

  Take a chance on me

  (That's all I ask of you honey)

  Take a chance on me.

  ‘They are fantastic! How did you discover them?’

  ‘By accident, really.’

  ‘Absolutely wonderful. I love the sound of their voices. Quite unique. And you say you’re going to meet them?’

  ‘Oh, no plans yet, but I’d very much like to.’

  ‘There’s just enough room on our shuttle for the four of them,’ Clikk said, with a wry smile.

  ‘Ah, yes, just!’ March agreed, as they both laughed.

  ‘This is meant to be my last flight to Earth on this mission, but if you manage to convince these four to come back with you, send me a message by Q’muniktor and I’ll apply happily for the round trip!’

  ‘And risk being blown up by missiles, yet again?’

  ‘Oh, it would be worth pressing my luck one more time to meet these people. Are you sure they’re human?’

  ‘No, I’m not sure about that at all. But they have something special about them, don’t they?’

  ‘Magical,’ Clikk said, finally and reluctantly handing THE back to March.

  The nearly two hours to teleporting passed quickly after March found a few karaoke versions of Abba songs, and he and Clikk took turns in singing along with Agnetha, Björn, Benny, and Anni-Frid, as they orbited closer to Earth’s surface. If it hadn’t been for warning beeps and flashing lights from Clikk’s dashboard, in the middle of their enthusiastic duo rendition of Fernando, they may have missed their rendezvous coordinates completely.

  *****

  Clikk opened the small hatch in the floor in the aisle of the shuttle and waited, as March gathered his sack – and courage. ‘I guess it’s time then,’ he said, now standing nervously opposite Clikk, looking down at the hole in the floor.

  ‘Ready?’

  ‘I guess so.’

  ‘Have you turned your Q’muniktor onto geoping?’

  ‘Oh, ok,’ March said, and pulled it from his sack to make the adjustment.

  ‘Now your contact should be able to locate you when you land.’

  ‘Should be able to?’

  ‘Don’t worry. You’ll be fine.’

  March gave Clikk a less than convinced look.

  ‘Ok. Sit on the side of the hatch, with your legs down in the teleport, then, lower yourself to support your weight on your elbows.’

  March slung his sack over his shoulder and then did as Clikk said. He looked up at Clikk, and they exchanged uneasy smiles as Clikk checked his watch.

  ‘When I say go, relax, and let yourself fall.’

  ‘Relax huh? I doubt it.’

  ‘Ok, five, four, three, two, one … go!’

  March let his elbows go, and as he fell through into the teleport, he caught Clikk’s wave goodbye above him before he was enveloped in blackness. It felt as if he was in a water slide, except for the lack of water, but his fall was a little slower than he had expected. Not that he had known what to expect though, but he was pleased to discover that when he bounced from the sides of the teleport on his way down, they weren’t solid like a water slide. It felt more like he was bouncing to and from balloons, albeit with a course sandpaper like finish. Whatever the inside of the teleport was made of, it seemed to help slow his fall considerably.

  His landing came as a surprise though, as the end of teleport clearly didn’t quite reach to ground level.

  ‘Ouch!’ he yelped, as his legs hit the ground, hard, then slid immediately from beneath him, landing heavily on his backside, before falling painfully onto his back, and then due to his backward momentum, banged the back of his head on the turf.

  ‘Uurrgghh,’ was all he could manage, as he lay prone on his back, winded, in what felt like something very moist, and then realised that his ability to breathe was not working so well. He tried to move, but all he could manage was another groaning sound, before gasping for breath. Lying still and waiting for his lungs to start working again seemed to be his best option. He let a few minutes pass, gazing up at the darkness, waiting for his ability to breathe to return. Finally, he managed to catch a few half breaths.

  ‘It’s a little easier in daylight. At least you can see the ground coming up and you can prepare yourself for the last little drop.’

  ‘Uh?’

  ‘Welcome to Earth, March, I’m Tryskolia.’

  ‘Where … are …?’ March managed, still struggling to breathe, but able to focus on an elderly woman wearing a pink and white knitted beanie, standing above him.

  ‘Hyde Park,’ she replied, as she offered her walking stick to help him up. ‘Sorry about it being so muddy, but it’s been raining all day long. But then again, it always rains in London.

  ‘Thank …. you,’ March said, as he struggled to his feet, careful not to pull on her walking stick.

  ‘A good thing you came at night though, as Glothic fashion is very definitely not in on Earth, so you would really stand out here if you were seen in public,’ she said, as March looked down at his emerald green velvet body suit with big gold buttons running down the front and wondered what was wrong. There was certainly one thing wrong though. His shiny golden pixie slippers weren’t shining at all, as they were covered in thick black mud. So was the back of his head, but he hadn’t noticed that yet.

  ‘Come on then. I live just across the road, so it’s only a short walk. Once you get cleaned up and changed, we can have a cup of tea and a chat,’ she said, as she walked off, with March finally catching his breath, following a muddy step or two behind her.

  When In Rome

  In the darkness of three in the morning it was difficult for March to make out much, other than that Tryskolia had guided him along a path in the park, then across a large road and after a short w
alk, into a white building. He wiped his muddy slippers on the doormat as best he could before entering.

  ‘I’m on the top floor,’ she said, as they entered an elevator and she found her key. ‘It’s a secure floor.’

  March didn’t really know what that meant, but now, with the benefit of light, he satisfied himself that she was indeed Gregorian.

  ‘It’s the nose, isn’t it?’ she said, sensing where his gaze was focused.

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘That’s all right. Our long Gregorian noses and grey eyes run in the family. Well, mostly grey,’ she added, noticing his green eye.’

  ‘I understand that you like stamp collecting.’

  ‘You have done your research,’ she said, as the elevator dinged, announcing its arrival at her floor. The doors opened directly into an anteroom. ‘Come along then, let’s get you cleaned up,’ she said, as March hesitated at the doors of the elevator.

  ‘Um, yes.’

  ‘This way.’

  ‘Do you prefer to be called Tryskolia or January?’

  ‘My friends here call me Trys, and my enemies, damn Madame Munchk,’ she laughed, as she opened the door from the anteroom to her sitting room, and then carried on through down a hall leading to a large bedroom. ‘Your bathroom is through there, and the wardrobe is stocked with clothes. So get cleaned up and changed, and I’ll make a cuppa and a light supper.’

  ‘Um, thank you … eh, Trys.’

  *****

  It took March some considerable amount of time to make the water work. He waved his hands over everything, but nothing happened. Standing naked in the bath, looking up at the shower nozzle, scratching his goatee and wondering what to do didn’t help at all in making the water work, but it did help in him divining what he should do next. He went back to his bedroom and grabbed his THE, and entered, water + bathroom.

  Water on Earth is controlled by rudimentary methods and devices, including valves, faucets, taps and stopcocks. These devices are usually operated by manually turning them either anti-clockwise for on, or clockwise for off. They are very often difficult to manipulate and require the use of hand strength to operate them. After use, they should always be turned fully in a clockwise direction to avoid flooding. References: Noah – Ark – Plumber – How to run a bath.